My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
