If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
