Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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