The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
