I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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