Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she told me i tasted like america
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
