you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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