she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
