ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
