I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
