I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
