Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
