There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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