You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i love accidental penises.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
