but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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