So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
