I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
