The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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