I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
