I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
