So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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