Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
