So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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