Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
