I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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