I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
