i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
