then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
