At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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