Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
