I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
