you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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