You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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