hotel room ftw
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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