I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
