I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
