That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
