I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
