drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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