I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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