His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
