i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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