This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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