I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
