There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
