My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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