There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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