Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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