so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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