I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
