He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So vagazzling was a success
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
