Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
did i walk over a car last night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
