Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
