Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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