I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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