Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
